The Fringe? Are You Kidding?!

 Never in my wildest imagination would I be acting in a play in the 2025 Winnipeg Fringe Festival! But it's true!

I have always loved acting. Since being at Kelvin High School, I participated in all of the operettas; one of them in an acting role as the maid in No, No Nanette. In the other operettas, I was in the chorus. I was part of an acting group on the side as well, and enjoyed that immensely. One of the co-participants was David Huband, who is currently a professional actor.

At church, I played a clown with my friend Joey for a Vacation Bible School week. We almost started up a business as clowns for children's parties. As often as possible, I volunteered for roles in my church's Christmas productions. The year my first husband died, I was in a comedic role as a choir conductor. Despite my grief, I stayed in the role and it certainly helped distract me and make Christmas a little bit happier.

As a mother of teenagers, I spent some time trying out for roles as an extra in movies being filmed in Winnipeg. My biggest success was in the film The Arrow, starring Dan Aykroyd. It was a little disappointing to never actually see him on set.

After I married Darrell and the two of us joined North Kildonan MB Church, I joined an acting group there as well. It was that exposure that led to being asked to take a role with the Winnipeg Mennonite Theatre Group in 2015 for the play, Still Life.

It's funny that throughout the years, most of my roles were as maids or cleaning ladies, except for WMT's Radio Night in 2017, where I played Miss Iceland in addition to the cleaning lady! Then there was the comedy Tempest Tost two years later, where I played the role of a man. My friend Erna and I were both playing men, and we had a blast! We often got teased about our being like Statler and Waldorf from The Muppet Show.

Joining the Winnipeg Mennonite Theatre team for the award winning play Wherever You May Be has been a major highlight for me. It occurred the same year that Darrell had passed away, so it was another welcome distraction that year. We performed the play first at a special event in Steinbach, and then again a few months later for the regular WMT winter season.

Monica Reis, a board member and regular actor for WMT is the author and director of Wherever You May Be. It is based on the life of her own mother Hildie, whose family was forced to immigrate from their village in Ukraine by Russians in 1930, and faced immeasurable fear and devastating loss on their journey to Canada. Hildie repressed the pain of her past using sarcasm and wit.

The play takes place as Hildie is living in a personal care home, and is being visited by her children. The story tells of how they all confront her memories of the past. The best part is her hilarious relationships with each of the children who each have their own quirky personalities.

I play the part of one of the daughters, who is a nurse who has taken on the responsibility of looking after Mom's evil dog, Oscar.

This story will resonate with other immigrant families and indeed with the times we are now living in, considering the Russian war on Ukraine and immigration to Canada and all around the world.

As we rehearse the play once more for this year's Fringe, the actors around the circle are still laughing at all of the funny parts, and we will indeed tear up for the sad parts. I highly recommend this play if you are attending any Fringe events this year.

We are at the convenient theatre venue 3 Cercle Moliere at 340 Provencher, near Stella's restaurant. There is a free parking lot available. It is also wheelchair accessible. I hope to see you there!

DATES FOR OUR SHOW: 

Thurs. July 17 at 10 pm - OPENING NIGHT ONLY $10!

Sat. July 19 at 3 pm

Sun. July 20 at 8 pm

Thurs. July 24 at 11 am

Fri. July 25 at 4:30 pm

Sat. July 26 at 10:15 pm 

Sun. July 27 at 5:15 pm

Regular Tickets: $14  Discount Tickets: $12 - ages 25 and under

HERE IS A LINK TO OUR PAGE AT WINNIPEGFRINGE.COM

In the photos below, our entire cast is pictured with the real-life people we are playing.

My Mother's Last Days

I thought my mom had a mini stroke. The nurse wouldn’t say what it was, but I was sure. Apparently she was tired and didn’t eat much at lunch. When I picked her up for supper, she was lethargic and had a little trouble talking clearly. She was very cold and her tongue was not working properly.

At the restaurant she chewed and chewed her salad without swallowing it except when taking a sip of her coffee. I knew something was wrong, so I took her home as soon as possible. I thought she had bitten her tongue, as it was a bit of blood came out on a napkin.

I sat with her for a while, gave her water and held her hand until she fell asleep on her bed with extra coverings. The next day Uncle Connie (who was a doctor) visited her to check her over. She was still mobile and able to do everything. He noticed that she was a little vacant.

The day after that, nurse Danielle called me at work and told me about her episode, sudden fatigue on the way to her hair appointment and she faded - with a faint pulse and vitals. The nurse had called the paramedics.

I met up with mom at the St. Boniface Hospital, with a suspected heart problem. I will never forget her face when I arrived - sitting up in emergency, hair everywhere, hooked up to everything and looking scared.

She was moved up to the CCU, and was compliant, but quite out of it, mentally. I would look at her, and she’d say, “What?”
Judy and Bernie Friesen visited, along with my children, but when Darrell arrived, she lit up like a Christmas tree. It was like she saw Jesus walking in. Soon she was moved up to a regular room, housed with another patient.

She was scared about the change. I managed to get her up for a huge bowel movement on the portable commode. She couldn’t swallow pills and was irritated by the IV, so I asked if it could be removed. After conferring with the doctor, it was agreed to remove it.. They wanted her to be able to go home, but needed to make sure that she could get up and walk a bit.

The nurse tried to remove the tape and the IV, but it hurt mom, so she screamed and hit at her. Another nurse helped as mom screamed and thrashed, thinking that the nurses wanted to hurt her.

Later, paramedics came to pick her up. Sitting up, she panicked and was literally kicking and screaming, almost jumping off the gurney. She was afraid that the paramedics were there to kill her. I blocked her kicks with my body and came in close to her to reassure her, speaking softly and sternly that she needed to cooperate, and that no one wanted to hurt her. Gradually she calmed, and the paramedics were able to transfer her to the stretcher and take her back to the care home.

I was mentally and physically exhausted. I signed an agreement for no more hospital visits. It was too traumatic for her. Next time an episode happens, she would be kept at her home and made comfortable in her room.

I wanted to be with her when “the time comes”, but knew that I can’t do everything. She was in God’s hands.

April 26th, 2012, she was able to get around and have meals. She was once more cheerful and talkative. I went about my business that day and went grocery shopping. When I got home, the power went on and off at about 6 pm.

After supper, I got a call from the care home. the nurse told me that mom had been found in her room after supper and was gone.

Darrell and I went directly to see my mother’s body. She was laying on her bed as if she was sleeping (with her mouth open), but all colour was gone, and she was cold. It felt like she and my daddy were present in the room with me, so I told them that I loved them, and asked them to introduce themselves to Darrell’s parents in heaven.

The next day we cleaned out her room and gave away her remaining clothes. We visited the funeral home and picked out a light coloured casket and a pink and red spray of flowers. 

The day before the funeral, my family and my sister’s family were in my home for lunch after church. My daughter Cherie gave me a card, and a few seconds later I burst out crying hysterically, “I’m going to be a gramma!!!!!”  I cried so loudly and long that Cherie commented, “I think I broke my mom.”

It was mostly a relief of stress, but it was wonderful. I am so ready to be a gramma. I thought of my late husband Wern, and Granny, and Cherie said, “they already know.”

Love and Life Changes

While my mother was on a trip to see my sister in Portland, I went to her apartment to sort through her kitchen and take some unnecessary things away. When she came home, I showed her a new telephone and a tidy apartment. She insisted that "they" had followed her to Portland, and that they knew about her trip by listening to her phone calls. On her last day there, they apparently stole two dollars and a pair of her panties. My sister said that the two dollars was found in her purse, but Mom insisted that it wasn't true.

So negotiations with her doctor about the possibility of a care home began. Gradually we convinced her to consider a care home, and I began taking her on tours of various options. I began to get discouraged, as she gave all kinds of reasons to refuse the choices.

I met my second husband in 2006, thanks to a blind date situation set up by my favourite cousin, Judy. To her, Darrell seemed a lot like my own father, a quiet, steady man who loved fixing cars. Darrell was a master Volvo technician. I agreed with Judy, and Darrell and I quickly fell in love.

I introduced my mother to Darrell at an ice cream shop, one summer afternoon. She loved him immediately and was very happy for me. I even invited him along to a family gathering at Rossmere Golf Club, to celebrate her eightieth birthday.

Things went fairly smoothly, and we were married on July 20th, 2007. The next month, when I went to my mother's apartment, I found her in bed, unable to get up, go to the washroom or feed herself. It was fixed in her mind that now Faye was married, I would no longer help her, take her shopping or visit her. 

None of it was true of course, but that is what she believed. I now had someone who would help both of us, but couldn't convince her. She was dehydrated, and physically, I couldn't help her get to the washroom, so I resorted to putting towels under her so that she could relieve herself.

At wit's end, I called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. However, they couldn't find anything physically wrong with her, so they sent her home again. I had to stay with her, since she couldn't do anything for herself. 

The next morning I called her doctor for advice. Dr. Heather told me to call the ambulance again. This time I refused to allow her to be taken home, since I couldn't be full time with her and change diapers. It was a ridiculous situation.

In the end, she was transferred temporarily to a convalescent home. She was very frightened there at first, being in a crowded room with three other people. She thought she had been sent to hell. Gradually as she was beginning to eat again and to walk about, she got to know others around her. She was doing so much better in the end that she said, "They treat me like a queen! I don't want to be a queen. I want to be a normal person." I laughed at that, glad that she didn't hate me.

She actually fell in love with one of her fellow patients. Apparently he sat with her a lot, and she felt wanted. But by March of that year, she was finally transferred to her favourite care home. She then didn't want to leave her new boyfriend! 

Concordia Place was a lot closer to my home, and she had privacy in her own room with her own telephone and she was close to the dining area and amenities. My sister was able to call her whenever she wanted to.

What a load off of my shoulders. Mom then became consumed with affection for the local chaplain, a handsome younger man. She doted on him, and if he glanced her way while he preached at services, she was so happy. Darrell and I were once again able to take her on Sundays to our church and out to restaurants whenever we could.  

Life was very good for a long time.

Patience Was My Ally

Patience needed to be my strongest ally, dealing with the changes and my mother's complaints about the thieves in her new home, who even took her chequebook apparently just for the cookie recipe written on a cheque. 

I hoped the new location might assist in diminishing Mom's perceived thefts, but after a while it got worse. She thought that "they" were climbing to her third floor balcony with a rope pulley. The same people were the culprits, and had apparently followed her there from her old apartment. 

She called me at home and at work, complaining about things missing or putting me on guilt trips for not paying enough attention to her. One day her ID was gone, and I worried that I'd have to apply for duplicate ID for her, but later found the packet in her purse which was hidden in the oven. Another time her glasses were smudged with fingerprints when she woke in the morning, and she blamed the thieves who brought along a little boy to smudge her glasses.

I asked her doctor if there was any medications that we could try, and we did, but Mom found that they made her drowsy or dizzy. Thank goodness that I was at least on depression medication. It got to a point that I felt like running away, or wishing I was dead. I was close to a nervous breakdown.

She made me laugh one day. She was sympathetic to my office staff, since she saw what we did when she volunteered on Fridays for many years. She said, "You should ask for a raise." I told her that I had already asked and been turned down. She then said, "But the church is supposed to help widows and orphans! You are the widow and I am the orphan!" When she asked who had turned me down, she said, "Cause I want to punch him in the face!"

A thoughtful thing she said was that she couldn't figure out why God had allowed my husband Wern to die so young. But she said that God must have something pretty special planned for me. :)

The emotion and imagination side of her were gradually taking control of the reasoning side. I have often had an irrational fear that the same thing would happen to me, but I thank God that I have Him to cast my fears on, and let Him look after the details. He always has.

Here are some things that I learned to help me deal with dementia:

1) Keep in mind that while the personality may change, the person is still the one that you love.

2) Help the person to feel needed and useful.

3) Any aggressive behaviour may be linked with a bad experience in the past. Eg. She grew up poor, hence the paranoia about people stealing things from her.

4) Negative behaviour or correction from the caregiver is not good. It is much better to offer alternative explanations or change the subject to something more pleasant.

5) Self esteem is important to the person. Help them to save face. Do not scold or embarrass them.