Patience needed to be my strongest ally, dealing with the changes and my mother's complaints about the thieves in her new home, who even took her chequebook apparently just for the cookie recipe written on a cheque.
I hoped the new location might assist in diminishing Mom's perceived thefts, but after a while it got worse. She thought that "they" were climbing to her third floor balcony with a rope pulley. The same people were the culprits, and had apparently followed her there from her old apartment.
She called me at home and at work, complaining about things missing or putting me on guilt trips for not paying enough attention to her. One day her ID was gone, and I worried that I'd have to apply for duplicate ID for her, but later found the packet in her purse which was hidden in the oven. Another time her glasses were smudged with fingerprints when she woke in the morning, and she blamed the thieves who brought along a little boy to smudge her glasses.
I asked her doctor if there was any medications that we could try, and we did, but Mom found that they made her drowsy or dizzy. Thank goodness that I was at least on depression medication. It got to a point that I felt like running away, or wishing I was dead. I was close to a nervous breakdown.
She made me laugh one day. She was sympathetic to my office staff, since she saw what we did when she volunteered on Fridays for many years. She said, "You should ask for a raise." I told her that I had already asked and been turned down. She then said, "But the church is supposed to help widows and orphans! You are the widow and I am the orphan!" When she asked who had turned me down, she said, "Cause I want to punch him in the face!"
A thoughtful thing she said was that she couldn't figure out why God had allowed my husband Wern to die so young. But she said that God must have something pretty special planned for me. :)
The emotion and imagination side of her were gradually taking control of the reasoning side. I have often had an irrational fear that the same thing would happen to me, but I thank God that I have Him to cast my fears on, and let Him look after the details. He always has.
Here are some things that I learned to help me deal with dementia:
1) Keep in mind that while the personality may change, the person is still the one that you love.
2) Help the person to feel needed and useful.
3) Any aggressive behaviour may be linked with a bad experience in the past. Eg. She grew up poor, hence the paranoia about people stealing things from her.
4) Negative behaviour or correction from the caregiver is not good. It is much better to offer alternative explanations or change the subject to something more pleasant.
5) Self esteem is important to the person. Help them to save face. Do not scold or embarrass them.