Faye's Feedback

In 2002, the last time I remember seeing my husband Wern was when he made his nightly peanut butter sandwich and he passed me in the kitchen doorway smiling at me with the usual glint in his eye. That night I woke up to Wern making "snoring" sounds, but it wasn't snoring and I ended up doing CPR at the instruction of the 911 operator. He stopped breathing and the paramedics took over on arrival and revived him enough to take him to the hospital. He died shortly after. He had had an enlarged heart. My mother was of course devastated at first, but it wasn't long before she seemed to entirely forget that he had existed. In her dementia, her focus was on herself and how I looked after her. Mom depended on me way too much. She kept telling me that I am her reason for living. I had my own life and responsibilities after losing my husband. Of course I would look after her until she dies, but it became a problem for my mental health. I went away on a trip for some relief, and...

I no longer have a CD player at home that works, so when my boss Steve Bell gave me a preview copy of his new album "The Glad Surprise," I waited to play it until I was in my car on the way to work. Steve sang at my husband Darrell's funeral in 2023. For the recessional, at my request, his manager Dave played the song "A Reason for it All," written by Steve's dear friend Byron O'Donnell, who passed away the same year. Steve decided to add a cover of that song on his new album, which will be out in October, 2024 called "The Glad Surprise".  I had only heard snippets of songs during the period of recording when I was at the office, so hearing it all in one shot brought me to tears. Steve's version of "A Reason for it All" is a more upbeat rendering of Byron's beautiful words and melody, and his version is added as a bonus at the end of the album. This song alone is a great reason to purchase this album. "A Reason for it All...

My Mom was constantly losing things. I was beginning to tire of searching her apartment for lost small items, like toothpaste, laundry detergent (lost in scoopfuls), and other daily necessities. I thought that she was merely forgetful of using items, or putting them away in other places. It was all very gradual. A lost Santa hat was one that she made quite a fuss about. She began to accuse people in her apartment building. The building supervisor was an elderly lady named Sally (name changed for privacy reasons). She had a son and daughter who lived in the same building. Mom began to accuse Sally and her children of coming into her apartment, taking small things including food and rearranging other items so that she couldn't find them. I reasoned with her, I searched the apartment, and listened to her complain. It didn't make sense to me that someone would enter her apartment for such small incidental items. Several of Mom's friends lived in the same building, and they were...

My dear Daddy suffered his first heart attack at age 40. It resulted in a surgery for a double bypass, and I recommitted my faith in God as I prayed for his recovery. The doctors were happy with the surgery and told us it should allow him at least ten more years. Well, they were wrong. He had twenty-five! :) His extra years weren't trouble free, however. He suffered chest pain and many migraine headaches, which severely limited his ability to work and do strenuous things. The cold Winnipeg winters were especially hard on him. For relief from the migraines, he created a pulley contraption where he put a neck brace on, and then stretched his head upwards with the pulley to help with the pain.  When my mother retired from nursing at age sixty-five (they were both the same age), they discussed possibilities of moving to Arizona during the winters for relief from our cold winters. Sadly, it was not so happen. His condition worsened and he was scheduled immediately for a quadruple bypass...

 My Dad fell in love with my Mom at first sight. His sister Tina, who was training as a nurse in Kingston Ontario, brought her friend Helen home for the weekend. John saw her descending the stairs in his parents home, and she was wearing a pink sweater that she had knitted herself. When he saw her, John thought to himself, "That is the girl I want to marry." So during her training, he got up the nerve to write her a letter saying, "To make a long story short, I love you and will you marry me? Can we start dating soon?" Their first date was Valentine's Day, and they were engaged a month later. Helen took John home to Alexander, Manitoba to meet her parents and for him to ask permission to marry their daughter. Henry Derksen took an instant dislike to John. He didn't want him to take away his daughter, and he definitely didn't like his wavy red hair. However, Helen ended up threatening to elope, and that solved the issue. They married a year later in 1951 ...

 I have officially turned into my mother -  an old lady wearing a tie-on rain cap. Well, the cap is very practical after all! I always promised myself that I wouldn't end up like my mother, but am beginning to see the changes.... I am okay with getting old, but have always had a deep-seated fear of getting the same dementia that she had. It began after she turned sixty-five, having retired from nursing and then my Dad died a few months later following a quadruple bypass surgery. She was never the same after that. My Dad always drove her to work, since having a heart condition, it was one thing that he could still do for her. So once he was gone, I became her wheels. We had to move her out of her rental home and into an apartment which was thankfully close to our church, so she could walk there. What is dementia?  Alzheimers is the well-known disease that older adults face nowadays. It isn't surprising at all, since it gets most of the attention. Dementia on the other hand...

  “When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, 'It is finished,' and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit” ( John 19:30 )  In my lifetime, I have been present as two of my loved ones passed away from this life. My kind and sweet mother-in-law Margarete Kliewer, and most recently, my beloved husband, Darrell Hall. When both died, their eyes were lifted up as if they could see something beyond what we could see. I thought of this again as John 19:30 was quoted in my church's Good Friday service. As a person who believes in heaven, I know in my heart that both Margarete and Darrell saw Jesus' face when they moved into the afterlife. It was a privilege to witness their passing. I look forward to this for myself one day.

 I was so glad that I took brief notes of each day of the last month of my husband's life. It allows me to read them, ponder them and remember a crucial time of my life. It also helps me to grieve. On January 24th, 2023 we were told by the doctor at St. Boniface Hospital that Darrell had stage four pancreatic cancer which had already spread to lymph nodes, stomach and bones in the pelvic area, his arm and shoulder. He spent four tortuous nights under a bright light in the emergency department. The hospital was full. He lived for 34 more days. Each day I read the notes, I remember what happened, see each face who visited, and can even smile at the sweet moments. It has been a year. I remember  how self-conscious he was of his balding head. I loved his bald head and loved to stroke the soft hair left on top. He loved to drive, and didn't care for my driving skills, so on the last day when I was driving him to the hospital, his finger kept popping up to give me directions. I smil...