Faye's Feedback

I was honoured to participate in a staff dinner celebration with the co-workers I love and special guest poet Malcolm Guite. Who could fail to be inspired by such an experience as this? I sat across from him at the table for almost three hours, listening to him talk, including jokes and sonnets. A man stopped by our table to say hello to our manager's wife, Kim. He was a local Winnipeg poet, and was introduced to Malcolm, who engaged him in greetings. Then Malcolm shared his own sonnet with the fellow. I was unable to hear the words as he spoke to him, but I saw his reaction. His eyes widened and he was moved and amazed at the words Malcolm spoke.  Inspiration block is a common occurrence to all artists, including Malcolm himself. He told me the story of "Saying the Names," which was the sonnet included in the portrait of Malcolm that he has on display in his own home. Apparently he had a list of the various Biblical names of Christ on a piece of paper that he kept in his...

  When my dear husband Darrell passed away in 2023, I had been working on a life memoir in an online course with author   Wilma Derksen , and some other participants. Darrell became ill with stage four pancreatic cancer, so the remainder of my online course had to be postponed. I was able to complete it later that year. The idea had been to create a life story to pass on to my children, so that they'd have a record of the stages of my entire life. So often children only know what they are told as they grow up. The idea of an art memoir was a natural followup to the original, since I had written many stories about my paintings and the people and places that inspired them. Most of all, I needed a place to tell about my art connections with my boss and mentor Steve Bell, poet Malcolm Guite for the book "Seven Whole Days," and Paul Boge who asked me to illustrate "The Biggest Family in the World." As a child, my older sister June frightened me by telling me that th...

 I believe in a God of miracles! A fraction of a second sooner and the car would have hit my leg...instead it hit the rear wheel of my bike and I went skidding onto the road. The bus driver and two pedestrians came to my assistance, and the woman driving the car itself was so upset with herself. I had been at a four-way stop, the bus to my right, and a car stopped at the left. She was only watching the bus to see what he would do, so she didn't see me start to cross the road on my bike. She went forward and hit me. Another kind lady helped me to get up and I shook myself off, testing all my parts, and a couple of scrapes and a cut were evident, but nothing major. Someone checked my e-bike, and it looked like it still worked, so I ended up riding home the half block left to my house. Gradually, my left foot began hurting, and I figured out that it was probably a sprain. I know, don't follow Google for medical advice, but I found my symptoms, and had absolutely no interest in sit...

 Never in my wildest imagination would I be acting in a play in the 2025 Winnipeg Fringe Festival! But it's true! I have always loved acting. Since being at Kelvin High School, I participated in all of the operettas; one of them in an acting role as the maid in No, No Nanette . In the other operettas, I was in the chorus. I was part of an acting group on the side as well, and enjoyed that immensely. One of the co-participants was David Huband, who is currently a professional actor. At church, I played a clown with my friend Joey for a Vacation Bible School week. We almost started up a business as clowns for children's parties. As often as possible, I volunteered for roles in my church's Christmas productions. The year my first husband died, I was in a comedic role as a choir conductor. Despite my grief, I stayed in the role and it certainly helped distract me and make Christmas a little bit happier. As a mother of teenagers, I spent some time trying out for roles as an extr...

I thought my mom had a mini stroke. The nurse wouldn’t say what it was, but I was sure. Apparently she was tired and didn’t eat much at lunch.  When I picked her up for supper, she was lethargic and had a little trouble talking clearly. She was very cold and her tongue was not working properly. At the restaurant she chewed and chewed her salad without swallowing it except when taking a sip of her coffee. I knew something was wrong, so I took her home as soon as possible. I thought she had bitten her tongue, as it was a bit of blood came out on a napkin. I sat with her for a while, gave her water and held her hand until she fell asleep on her bed with extra coverings.  The next day Uncle Connie (who was a doctor) visited her to check her over. She was still mobile and able to do everything. He noticed that she was a little vacant. The day after that, nurse Danielle called me at work and told me about her episode, sudden fatigue on the way to her hair appointment and she faded -...

While my mother was on a trip to see my sister in Portland, I went to her apartment to sort through her kitchen and take some unnecessary things away. When she came home, I showed her a new telephone and a tidy apartment. She insisted that "they" had followed her to Portland, and that they knew about her trip by listening to her phone calls. On her last day there, they apparently stole two dollars and a pair of her panties. My sister said that the two dollars was found in her purse, but Mom insisted that it wasn't true. So negotiations with her doctor about the possibility of a care home began. Gradually we convinced her to consider a care home, and I began taking her on tours of various options. I began to get discouraged, as she gave all kinds of reasons to refuse the choices. I met my second husband in 2006, thanks to a blind date situation set up by my favourite cousin, Judy. To her, Darrell seemed a lot like my own father, a quiet, steady man who loved fixing cars. D...

Patience needed to be my strongest ally, dealing with the changes and my mother's complaints about the thieves in her new home, who even took her chequebook apparently just for the cookie recipe written on a cheque.  I hoped the new location might assist in diminishing Mom's perceived thefts, but after a while it got worse. She thought that "they" were climbing to her third floor balcony with a rope pulley. The same people were the culprits, and had apparently followed her there from her old apartment.  She called me at home and at work, complaining about things missing or putting me on guilt trips for not paying enough attention to her. One day her ID was gone, and I worried that I'd have to apply for duplicate ID for her, but later found the packet in her purse which was hidden in the oven. Another time her glasses were smudged with fingerprints when she woke in the morning, and she blamed the thieves who brought along a little boy to smudge her glasses. I asked...

In 2002, the last time I remember seeing my husband Wern was when he made his nightly peanut butter sandwich and he passed me in the kitchen doorway smiling at me with the usual glint in his eye. That night I woke up to Wern making "snoring" sounds, but it wasn't snoring and I ended up doing CPR at the instruction of the 911 operator. He stopped breathing and the paramedics took over on arrival and revived him enough to take him to the hospital. He died shortly after. He had had an enlarged heart. My mother was of course devastated at first, but it wasn't long before she seemed to entirely forget that he had existed. In her dementia, her focus was on herself and how I looked after her. Mom depended on me way too much. She kept telling me that I am her reason for living. I had my own life and responsibilities after losing my husband. Of course I would look after her until she dies, but it became a problem for my mental health. I went away on a trip for some relief, and...

I no longer have a CD player at home that works, so when my boss Steve Bell gave me a preview copy of his new album "The Glad Surprise," I waited to play it until I was in my car on the way to work. Steve sang at my husband Darrell's funeral in 2023. For the recessional, at my request, his manager Dave played the song "A Reason for it All," written by Steve's dear friend Byron O'Donnell, who passed away the same year. Steve decided to add a cover of that song on his new album, which will be out in October, 2024 called "The Glad Surprise".  I had only heard snippets of songs during the period of recording when I was at the office, so hearing it all in one shot brought me to tears. Steve's version of "A Reason for it All" is a more upbeat rendering of Byron's beautiful words and melody, and his version is added as a bonus at the end of the album. This song alone is a great reason to purchase this album. "A Reason for it All...

My Mom was constantly losing things. I was beginning to tire of searching her apartment for lost small items, like toothpaste, laundry detergent (lost in scoopfuls), and other daily necessities. I thought that she was merely forgetful of using items, or putting them away in other places. It was all very gradual. A lost Santa hat was one that she made quite a fuss about. She began to accuse people in her apartment building. The building supervisor was an elderly lady named Sally (name changed for privacy reasons). She had a son and daughter who lived in the same building. Mom began to accuse Sally and her children of coming into her apartment, taking small things including food and rearranging other items so that she couldn't find them. I reasoned with her, I searched the apartment, and listened to her complain. It didn't make sense to me that someone would enter her apartment for such small incidental items. Several of Mom's friends lived in the same building, and they were...

My dear Daddy suffered his first heart attack at age 40. It resulted in a surgery for a double bypass, and I recommitted my faith in God as I prayed for his recovery. The doctors were happy with the surgery and told us it should allow him at least ten more years. Well, they were wrong. He had twenty-five! :) His extra years weren't trouble free, however. He suffered chest pain and many migraine headaches, which severely limited his ability to work and do strenuous things. The cold Winnipeg winters were especially hard on him. For relief from the migraines, he created a pulley contraption where he put a neck brace on, and then stretched his head upwards with the pulley to help with the pain.  When my mother retired from nursing at age sixty-five (they were both the same age), they discussed possibilities of moving to Arizona during the winters for relief from our cold winters. Sadly, it was not so happen. His condition worsened and he was scheduled immediately for a quadruple bypass...

 My Dad fell in love with my Mom at first sight. His sister Tina, who was training as a nurse in Kingston Ontario, brought her friend Helen home for the weekend. John saw her descending the stairs in his parents home, and she was wearing a pink sweater that she had knitted herself. When he saw her, John thought to himself, "That is the girl I want to marry." So during her training, he got up the nerve to write her a letter saying, "To make a long story short, I love you and will you marry me? Can we start dating soon?" Their first date was Valentine's Day, and they were engaged a month later. Helen took John home to Alexander, Manitoba to meet her parents and for him to ask permission to marry their daughter. Henry Derksen took an instant dislike to John. He didn't want him to take away his daughter, and he definitely didn't like his wavy red hair. However, Helen ended up threatening to elope, and that solved the issue. They married a year later in 1951 ...

 I have officially turned into my mother -  an old lady wearing a tie-on rain cap. Well, the cap is very practical after all! I always promised myself that I wouldn't end up like my mother, but am beginning to see the changes.... I am okay with getting old, but have always had a deep-seated fear of getting the same dementia that she had. It began after she turned sixty-five, having retired from nursing and then my Dad died a few months later following a quadruple bypass surgery. She was never the same after that. My Dad always drove her to work, since having a heart condition, it was one thing that he could still do for her. So once he was gone, I became her wheels. We had to move her out of her rental home and into an apartment which was thankfully close to our church, so she could walk there. What is dementia?  Alzheimers is the well-known disease that older adults face nowadays. It isn't surprising at all, since it gets most of the attention. Dementia on the other hand...

  “When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, 'It is finished,' and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit” ( John 19:30 )  In my lifetime, I have been present as two of my loved ones passed away from this life. My kind and sweet mother-in-law Margarete Kliewer, and most recently, my beloved husband, Darrell Hall. When both died, their eyes were lifted up as if they could see something beyond what we could see. I thought of this again as John 19:30 was quoted in my church's Good Friday service. As a person who believes in heaven, I know in my heart that both Margarete and Darrell saw Jesus' face when they moved into the afterlife. It was a privilege to witness their passing. I look forward to this for myself one day.

 I was so glad that I took brief notes of each day of the last month of my husband's life. It allows me to read them, ponder them and remember a crucial time of my life. It also helps me to grieve. On January 24th, 2023 we were told by the doctor at St. Boniface Hospital that Darrell had stage four pancreatic cancer which had already spread to lymph nodes, stomach and bones in the pelvic area, his arm and shoulder. He spent four tortuous nights under a bright light in the emergency department. The hospital was full. He lived for 34 more days. Each day I read the notes, I remember what happened, see each face who visited, and can even smile at the sweet moments. It has been a year. I remember  how self-conscious he was of his balding head. I loved his bald head and loved to stroke the soft hair left on top. He loved to drive, and didn't care for my driving skills, so on the last day when I was driving him to the hospital, his finger kept popping up to give me directions. I smil...

 My Aunt Dorothy Derksen died recently, and her funeral was at Chapel Lawn here in Winnipeg on Nov. 4th. That is the same cemetery where my husband was buried, eight months ago. My drive past his grave to the chapel set off a tsunami of grief, and the celebration of Dorothy's life was indeed emotional for me. My aunt was very supportive of my marriage to Darrell, and she was a source of encouragement during our almost 16 year marriage. At her service, Dorothy's story was told, which reminded me of a story she had told me long ago. In 1971, despite some major health issues, Dorothy found herself pregnant with her third child. Her doctor recommended an abortion at that time, to lessen the risk to her own life. She and my uncle George thought about it, but she had a dream, where she saw God holding an infant above some turbulent waters, in which bobbed the bodies of hundreds and thousands of dead babies. She felt that the dream was from God, and it helped her make the final decisi...

 Today was the six month date since the death of my beloved husband Darrell. I thought it might be quite an ordinary, sad day, but I was definitely mistaken. My daughter was working late, so I was looking after my grandchildren, and we did an errand to help my son. On the way home we were going to stop and I would treat them to an ice cream. My granddaughter chose Dairy Queen, and I thought it interesting, as that had been the location of happy memories with Darrell when we first discussed marriage. As we arrived at the store, rain started, and there were a few warning "pings" of hail on my windshield. We parked at the Dairy Queen just in time, and got inside the door as rain and hail started. The store has large windows on two sides, so we were able to observe the storm from different angles - close up and feeling very vulnerable. It was like a hurricane, throwing leaves, branches and loose things through the air. The rain was very heavy and the hail was up to the size of a ...

  Today I am proud of myself for figuring out how to reprogram my garage door opener. I tried following the instructions on the garage's overhead machine, with no success, so I tried "googling" it, and found my solution lickety split! That is what Darrell would always do. If he didn't know how to fix something, he looked it up on Google and was always able to fix anything. He was a smart guy! It's a good thing that I was able to reprogram the door, so that I could go out to celebrate what would have been our 16th wedding anniversary. I had a delicious dinner at The Keg on the patio, where we had gone for our 15th anniversary and then spent the night at the Hotel Fort Garry. I almost made it through the meal without weeping, but at the end got sincere sympathy from my sweet waitress. Thank you to so many people who still pray for me. I ran into an old friend on the Gateway bike path and was amazed to hear how she still prays for me. It keeps me going, and I am grat...

 Day 32 of my Griefshare emails said, "You Can't Stay Here." It refers to the fact that one can't stay wallowing in grief, but must move forward in life.  Philippians 3:14 says, "the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." That is who I depend upon day by day. So I am moving forward. I enjoy my job with Steve Bell's ministry, so that's a given. I have also been asked to take a part in a Mennonite Theatre play called "Wherever You May Be," which will be shown in July in Steinbach, and then again in Winnipeg in the fall. I will be sure to notify anyone interested. When my husband died, I had just completed the first phase of my autobiography, which would never have been done without the online seminar with Wilma Derksen, which is available on her website, wilmaderksen.com. I am continuing a second version of the autobiography to include many of my paintings, telling my life story illustrated by my art. I am also painting a bit - one painting you...

 I do not like to visit graves, but Father's Day 2023 was a different occasion. I went to Wern Kliewer's grave first, as he was the father of my children, and grandfather to my precious grandchildren. It has been 21 years since his death. Then I went to The Forks for a lunch experience that Darrell and I had frequently enjoyed together. We loved to order from Fergie's Fish & Chips, and then eat our food on the outside tables, enjoying the view of the dock and river. This chosen day was perfect weather for this. It is important for me to do things that Darrell and I used to enjoy together. Next was my first visit to Darrell's grave. What an emotional moment. Last time I was there was for the burial, in a foot of snow. Now it is green and lush, and his marker is in place. Many others were visiting graves of the husbands, fathers and grandfathers in their lives. I was blessed to be loved by two wonderful men, in two very different marriages. Now the marriages are over....