Day 32 of my Griefshare emails said, "You Can't Stay Here." It refers to the fact that one can't stay wallowing in grief, but must move forward in life. 

Philippians 3:14 says, "the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." That is who I depend upon day by day.

So I am moving forward. I enjoy my job with Steve Bell's ministry, so that's a given. I have also been asked to take a part in a Mennonite Theatre play called "Wherever You May Be," which will be shown in July in Steinbach, and then again in Winnipeg in the fall. I will be sure to notify anyone interested.

When my husband died, I had just completed the first phase of my autobiography, which would never have been done without the online seminar with Wilma Derksen, which is available on her website, wilmaderksen.com. I am continuing a second version of the autobiography to include many of my paintings, telling my life story illustrated by my art.

I am also painting a bit - one painting you see here, which is called "The Dream." It started with an inspiration that appeared in a dream and is finished as a unique abstract, and will be shown at The Cre8ery gallery in the fall.

I have rarely been successful in painting people I love. But I am showing a little portrait of Darrell here. It was hidden away for years, because I thought it didn't turn out, but Darrell himself found it and had it displayed on his office wall in his last months. What the portrait does show is his lovely smile of love as he looked at me. It also shows that it was painted with love. I will always cherish it.

 I do not like to visit graves, but Father's Day 2023 was a different occasion. I went to Wern Kliewer's grave first, as he was the father of my children, and grandfather to my precious grandchildren. It has been 21 years since his death.

Then I went to The Forks for a lunch experience that Darrell and I had frequently enjoyed together. We loved to order from Fergie's Fish & Chips, and then eat our food on the outside tables, enjoying the view of the dock and river. This chosen day was perfect weather for this. It is important for me to do things that Darrell and I used to enjoy together.

Next was my first visit to Darrell's grave. What an emotional moment. Last time I was there was for the burial, in a foot of snow. Now it is green and lush, and his marker is in place. Many others were visiting graves of the husbands, fathers and grandfathers in their lives.

I was blessed to be loved by two wonderful men, in two very different marriages. Now the marriages are over. The memories remain. The bodies of both men lie beneath the cold, hard ground.

Sometimes I ask, "why?" But then, so many other people never experience a happy marriage or any marriage at all. I can only be thankful for both. God has been so good to me.

I may struggle with loneliness, but my little white fur-ball certainly helps. She seems to listen to what I say and even talks back sometimes.

 The Teardrop...

I recently returned from a rejuvenating trip to Vancouver and Victoria, BC with my sister June and her husband Karl. We had originally arranged this trip to include my husband Darrell. Now it was just me.

It turned into a time for reminiscing, grief, good times, adventure and even fun. Occasionally, the good times made me feel a little guilty, but the surprise of joy is a good sign of hope. Darrell had travelled often with all of us, and I missed him so much.

We visited a local art gallery in Victoria, which featured glass raindrops in the window, and they reminded me of my tears. So I brought one home and hung it in my front window to remind me of my tears for my darling husband.

Darrell's family has an Irish background, and one of the stores we stopped at had an Irish theme. I searched for a magnet, key chain or something that might have the Hall name on it, and couldn't find anything. This somehow upset me, and I had to leave the store in tears. 

I also bought a double heart necklace that reminded me of Darrell. I wanted something tangible to wear and see on a daily basis so that I would always remember him. Tears came at odd moments, but they were good tears.

Travel was a good way to work through grief at the death of my first husband, and once again it has helped immensely, and will recommend it to anyone suffering with grief.

I will always treasure my glass "tear" in my window.

Another joy in my life is my new cat. My daughter Cherie found her at a PetSmart store, and I promised to at least take a look. I fell in love immediately with this darling furry creature, who Cherie described as "lovey dovey", so I named her Lovie. She lives up to the name every day and is my constant companion and comforter, sitting on my chest and purring. What a great reason to get up in the morning.

As I write this, she knocks another pen off of my desk. LOL