Grief sucks, bigtime. You can't just ignore it. You can't count on others to support you all of the time and answer your needs. It takes a lot of work.

As a semi-retired person, I sure don't want more work. Two days a week at the office is enough for me. But after a month and a half since my husband's death, the "busy" things are nearly done, and real life is sinking in. The funeral is done. Business and financial aspects are looked after. I have done a lot of cleaning, sorting and removal of his clothes and old things. 

Now I am entering the stage of depression. When I am with other people it is okay to be a bit sad, but others expect me to be more normal and cheery. Others don't want to hear the death story anymore, and don't want to listen to how much I miss the man that I loved. Thankfully, I am blessed that not everyone is this way.

The cheery person at the cash register asks me, "How is your day going?" I refrain from saying, "I am eating a burger and fries to drown my sorrow at the loss of my husband." I smile and say, "Just fine." People pass me on the path during my morning exercise walks, and I smile and say "Good morning." My tears continue to fall after they have gone by.

Creating this painting is another way I can work out my grief. I painted it while I listened to our favourite singer, Michael Buble and he sang the song "Quando, Quando". Darrell and I danced the rhumba to this song at our wedding reception. I will never forget it. Below is a short video showing the stages of the piece as I wept and painted.